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Safe People answers questions about painful relationships with a voice of encouragement and hope. Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend offer solid guidance for making safe choices in relationships. They help identify the nurturing people we all need in our lives, as well as ones we need to learn to avoid.
- Sales Rank: #303927 in Books
- Published on: 1995-05
- Ingredients: Example Ingredients
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 9.50" h x 7.00" w x 1.00" l,
- Binding: Hardcover
- 199 pages
Review
Some people are good for us, some are not. Safe people are people who help drive emotional healing and character growth. Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend show how we can find the people who will help us down the path to healing and void those who may damage our emotional health. Safe People: How to Find Relationships that are Good for You provides practical ground-breaking help which lays a firm foundation for personal growth. Safe People is important, practical reading for today's modern world. -- Midwest Book Review
From the Back Cover
Too many of us have invested ourselves into relationships that left us deeply wounded. We've been abandoned or taken advantage of, and left with little to show for what we've given. We've lost our sense of security and personal value in the process. And what's worse, we tend to either repeat the same mistakes of judgment over and over . . . Or else lock the doors of our hearts entirely and throw away the key. Why do we choose the wrong people to get involved with? Is it possible to change? And if so, where does one begin? Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend offer solid guidance for making safe choices in relationships, from friendships to romance. They help identify the nurturing people we all need in our lives, as well as ones we need to learn to avoid. Safe People will help you to recognize 20 traits of relationally untrustworthy people. Discover what makes some people relationally safe, and how to avoid unhealthy entanglements. You'll learn about things within yourself that jeopardize your relational security. And you'll find out what to do and what not to do to develop a balanced, healthy approach to relationships.
About the Author
Dr. Henry Cloud is an acclaimed leadership expert, psychologist, and New York Times best-selling author with his books selling more than 10 million copies. As a speaker, Dr. Cloud has shared the stage with many business and global leaders and experts, such as Tony Blair, Jack Welch, Condoleezza Rice, Desmond Tutu, Malala Yousafzai, and others. In his leadership consulting practice, Dr. Cloud works with Fortune 500 companies and smaller private businesses alike. He has an extensive executive coaching background and experience as a leadership consultant, devoting the majority of his time working with CEO's, leadership teams and executives to improve performance, leadership skills, and culture. Dr. Cloud lives in Los Angeles with his wife, Tori, and their two daughters, Olivia and Lucy.
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Dr. John Townsend is a leadership consultant, psychologist, and New York Times bestselling author. He has written twenty-seven books, selling 10 million copies, including the 3 million-selling Boundaries series. John is founder of the Townsend Institute for Leadership and Counseling and conducts the Townsend Leadership program. He travels extensively for corporate consulting, speaking, and working with leadership families. He and his wife Barbi have two sons, and live in Newport Beach, California. One of John's favorite hobbies is playing in a band that performs in Southern California lounges and venues.
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Most helpful customer reviews
37 of 39 people found the following review helpful.
Not practical for abuse survivors.
By Grace
The information was good in regards to dealing with normal, flawed, not intentionally malicious people. However, if you have ever gone through any sort of traumatic psychological abuse, be warned. This book helps you identify unsafe behavior in others but at the end it tells you to be "long suffering" and always work on difficult relationships. This is just simply impractical for anyone who has been tortured by cruel people. God doesn't want to punish you. Take care of yourself.
17 of 18 people found the following review helpful.
Wonderful Insights - A little Heavy on the God-talk
By Beverly Diehl
These are the authors that wrote one of THE defining books on boundaries and setting limits in relationships. They also both hold PhDs, AND are strongly entrenched in American Christian life philosophies.
If you, also, are strongly entrenched in American Christian lifestyle, this would be an excellent read for you. If you are are NOT, especially if you still carry trauma from being involved in this lifestyle previously (*raises hand*) you may have to tiptoe through the God-talk in order to avoid triggering issues.
Even with that caveat, this books has many, many excellent nuggets and insights in it. Here are some bits that resonated with me: "Unsafe people only apologize instead of changing their behavior." Or the concept of "merger wishes" relationships: "When someone else possesses a trait that we don't have, we are inclined to blur our identity with with theirs in order to help us feel better about ourselves and to gain access to that trait." Or the tendency, when our boundaries are weak, to go for all or nothing: "...boundaryless people tend to isolate as their only limit. Often, people with weak boundaries will give in repeatedly to some irresponsible or demanding person. Then, out of the blue, they'll pack up and leave the relationship with no warning."
We DON'T have to be with unsafe people; nor can nor should we, trust our church or social club to screen people for us. That was my biggest take-away from this book, recognizing my own tendency/wish to think that in XYZ group, everyone is "safe" for me. Just ain't so. Because of MY life experiences, traits, and personality, Person A may be unsafe for me, but absolutely safe for YOU, and vice versa. As adults, we each need to figure out how to sort out and separate those who are safe and unsafe for us, PERSONALLY. We can't count on others to do it for us, anymore than we can count on others to exercise for us.
Some of the traits of safe people, according to this book, include: "Someone who gives me an opportunity to grow; someone I can be myself around; Someone who allows me to be on the outside what I am on the indie; someone whose life touches mine and leaves me better for it," and much more.
I do highly recommend this book, and am only deducting a star because of the triggering issues it may present to some readers.
9 of 10 people found the following review helpful.
Surprisingly life changing...and I'm not religious.
By Peace Finder
For anyone who is perfectly self-sufficient alone and thinks they are "just fine" this book looks more closely at that state of being, the places you have been that have gotten you where you are and the places you can go if you are open. The best part of the book starts on pg 122 and continues through the chapters that offer real solutions (ZOndervan edition). I am not particularly religious but the biblical references did not keep me from the powerful insights the authors put forth. Highly recommend. (Though not religious, am deeply spiritual)
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